"I like my coffee the way I like my women--

in a plastic cup."
--Eddie Izzard

ever since i started drinking coffee, i have had a problem.

...and it isn't my ridiculous dependency on the bean. that's for another day.

i take my coffee black. i have been known to occasionally put a little cream, skim milk, or soy milk in my coffee if it is old, over ice, or if i just get a wild hair. and that's usually only in the afternoons. in the morning, i drink strong, black coffee.

and consequently...i...well...

i am completely vulnerable to falling in love with the young men who come into my shop and take their coffee black.

when someone comes in and asks for a cup of drip coffee, a series of questions gets thrown their way.

"small, medium, or large?"
"medium or dark roast?"
"room for cream and sugar?"
(at this time i usually ask them for their mother's maiden name or their shoe size just for shits and giggles)

when a boy says "no" to the last real question, my heart soars. there is a fifty percent chance that they will drink it black.

after they pay, i'll usually start pretending to clean or, if i'm feeling especially saucy, i'll chat them up. all the while i'm watching them like a hawk to see if they're going to put anything in their coffee. if they don't, and they stay at the shop, i am completely smitten. i get a little flirty and almost too thrilled to talk.

there is no explanation for my attraction to men who take their coffee black, it's just the way it is.

one day i called my best friend (and the woman who trained me on the espresso machine), kimi, and the conversation proceeded to go like this:
me: kimi!! i just met the cutest guy. he took his coffee black.
k: joan, you have to stop falling in love with boys who take their coffee black. that's just wrong.
me: i know, i know. i mean...i've seen him elsewhere. i saw him at waffle house and the record store, too...
k: you're ridiculous. did he have a big nose?

and that's where we'll leave the conversation.

so what should you, my faithful readers, take from this?

your barista is watching. they may not be judging you for what you do "wrong," but what makes their caffeinated little hearts go pitter-patter.

the coffee dictionary has been added! read it! love it! embrace it!

also, i have a hit counter now. i am very happy about this. but if you could leave me a comment and tell me that you're reading this, i would be really grateful. and if you like what you read, recommend it to other coffee-enthusiasts. i'd really love some feedback.